Technology. Great in theory, but a pain in the ass in reality. As our society goes whizzing along into the future, more and more gadgets are being created for our convenience. We now have GPS systems so that we no longer get lost. Yeah,…right. I had a GPS unit in my rental car while on my last vacation. The thing spoke to me in Korean for the first three days. If sitting on the side of LA’s 405 highway trying to make the little devil box speak English while semi trucks are blowing past me in all 6 lanes of traffic is convenient, then our society is definitely screwed. Ipods have ousted CDs from our vernacular as well. They are handy little devices until the day they decide to freeze up and hold your music collection captive until you can find a 14 year old to fix it for you. Yeah … that’s quite convenient. Thank God I spent over three hundred dollars for this kind of ease of use. Throw in the other assortment of technological goodies that we are now offered such as laptops, self-scanning registers at stores, and my personal nemesis, programmable thermostats and it’s enough to make your hair hurt.
If I had to choose one device that I thought was rushing us to the brink of societal collapse the fastest it would have to be the ubiquitous cell phone. Yes, I admit I have one and I would be lost without it at this point. It has become a permanent fixture in my life. There is no escaping it now. This doesn’t mean I have to like it though. I’m not sure who invented the text message function but they are definitely not making my Christmas card list any time soon. Every one sends text messages these days. Everyone. My grandmother knows how to text for Chrissakes. The same woman who speaks to the ATM machine because she believes the people inside can hear her. Lord, help us all.
My disdain for texting goes far beyond the obvious reasons as to why we should be wary of becoming so reliant on certain forms of technology. It’s pretty clear that text messages are destroying our ability to use the English language faster than our decaying school systems are. This is an actual text message I recently received: …“did u c ne1 u new @ the prty”. What the fuck does that say? I’ve seen hieroglyphics that were more easily decoded. Perhaps when that fourteen year old is done fixing my ipod, he can come translate my messages for me. And please … I’m not even going to start ranting about the fact that texting has made driving the second most dangerous activity after base jumping. That swerving driver up ahead isn’t drunk; no she is just letting her friends know she is two seconds away.
I think my biggest problem with texting is the damage it seems to be doing to our relationships these days. Have we become so reliant on technology that we are now incapable of speaking to each other? If not face to face, at least over the phone? Why have poorly worded fragment sentences become our main form of communication? If there is one glaring problem with texts it would seem to be the amazing amount of miscommunication that emanates from our phones. Men and women interpret things differently. Men tend to be blunt, to the point, very direct. Women enjoy subtext, we infer meaning into the smallest of things. For example, a woman texts the man she is dating to ask about what time they are getting together that night. She writes, “R we on 4 7 still?”. His reply, “Sure, whateva”. This two word answer has now sent this reasonably sane woman into a tailspin. Does he not want to go out? Is this his way of telling me to back off? Why isn’t he excited to see me? Should I cancel our plans first so I don’t look needy? And the dreaded thought …. Is he mad at me?
While all of this is churning in this poor girl’s head, the man is sitting at his desk surfing ESPN.com and staring at the clock oblivious to the inner turmoil that is quickly engulfing his girlfriend. After a few minutes of silent panic the girls sends another text. This one says, “We can get 2gether sum othr time if u want”. Of course this woman is hoping that he will make it clear that he does indeed want to see her this evening. The reply she receives says, “k. thats cool”. It is at this point, ladies and gentlemen, that what could have been a fabulous romance is now hitting a brick wall. The minute this girl received this text message she is instantly on the phone with her best friend deciphering what every single letter means. He must not be into me, she laments. I thought things were going so well. He must be cheating on me. And then the question posed by women around the world … Why do all men suck? During this entire episode, the same man is still sitting at his desk working on his fantasy football team. Unaware that he will no longer be seeing this woman due to two text messages. Like I said, technology is really helping us out.
Another side effect of our addiction to text messages is the wall that it builds between us and the people we date. Receiving a text message is not as intimate as a phone call. It never will be. It wasn’t so long ago that we used to sit around eagerly anticipating that first phone call from that “new” person we just met. Now it seems that phone calls are reserved for emergencies and birthdays. My entire relationship with the bartender consisted of text messages. He called me only two times the entire three months we were dating. TWO TIMES. How I found this acceptable at the time beyond my powers of comprehension. If I didn’t see his name on my caller ID I wouldn’t have known it was him. I couldn’t recognize my own boyfriend’s voice on the phone!! This is a problem.
Text messaging allows us to remove ourselves from the situation. They are just words after all. It’s easier to say things to people we normally wouldn’t utter in person. I’m sure the number of daters who have been dumped via text messages is quickly outnumbering the amount of people getting tossed overboard via the phone, or god forbid, in person. It’s just plain rude and quite frankly, unacceptable. Who really wants to be told that they are loved by their significant other for the first time through a cell phone? Hey guys … why don’t you grab your balls from the pocket that you normally keep your cell phone in, man up, and tell the girl you love her right to her adorable face. You’ll be glad you did, honestly.
For some of us unlucky ones, text messages can also be the bearer of very bad news. In our effort to send off messages as quickly as possible, it is easy to make a mistake and send a text to the wrong person. If we haven’t done it personally, we sure as hell know people who have. I’ve heard countless stories of both men and women who have received texts meant for someone else. Some of these messages suggested that the other person was cheating on them and others just flat out confirmed it. That’s one way to have a perfectly good day ruined in ten seconds flat. Nothing says love more than receiving a text message saying, “ I miss u so much Jen” when your name is Tammy and your boyfriend is parked on your couch. Good times!!
The Bartender was quite guilty of the last dating infraction. This man would sit right next to me typing away on his Blackberry for inordinate amounts of time. He would tell me it was his brother or his roommate and I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Turns out he was actually texting the other girl he had been sleeping with the entire time we were dating. Ouch! Do you know the worst thing about that situation? I was recently told what he had been up to while we were together THROUGH A FUCKING
As technology advances, perhaps text messaging will go the way of the eight track. Or perhaps we will realize that computers and electronic gadgets will just never be as satisfying as a “face to face” communication. Until that time I guess I will just have to get that fourteen year old to show me how to send picture messages, right after he is done programming my DVR.
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